I'm Dreaming of a White January 29th

My oldest has been begging for snow since the first Christmas cartoon aired back in December. Well, it finally came. Here is his take:

He may be slightly confused….

I feel crappy, oh so crappy...

I have been sick. Like actually go to the doctor two days in a row sick. Yesterday, upon returning from the doctor ( again) I caught an unfortunate glimpse of myself in the mirror. Dirty, unbrushed hair, cracked lips, ashy hairy legs, and a greasy broken out face. Apparently wallowing in self pity and your bed isn't the best beauty routine.

Thankfully, I have a sweet husband who politely ignores the neanderthal beast that has replaced his wife. He has also done an excellent job of caring for both of our boys and even kept the house in respectable shape. He has unwittingly given himself away... I now know of his capabilities. I'm sure he will regret this later, but right now I owe him too big to use it against him. Pity.

Today I have finally started to feel a bit better. I can sip water without tearing up and I can stand without fear of falling over. I was even able to write a few coherent sentences here!

I guess that means it is time I locate a brush and a razor....

I am weak but He is strong.

-You're not smart enough.

-You're not pretty enough.

-No one thinks you're funny/ clever/ interesting.

-You're just not that talented.

-You're too short.

-You're too fat.

-You're a crappy mom.

These are all lies I have heard. Lies I have believed. Lies that were born in my own mind then mumbled to the mirror. 

Many of us are guilty of trash talking our own reflection. We focus in on a perceived imperfection or weakness and magnify it to soul crushing proportions. 

But here is the beauty, my weakness does not matter in His strength. My imperfections are covered. My inabilities are reshaped and reimagined for His purposes. I must quiet my mind and instead search for the heart of my God. His Word assures me of His love, His plan, His continual work in me.

It is time to rewrite the lies and choose to see the blessings.....The work in me and through me.

-I am not the smartest person in the world, but I have a thirsty mind that can learn.

-I am not a super model, but I can reflect the beauty of my Savior.

-I am not the most interesting man/ woman in the world, but I have been given wonderful friends who love me and laugh with me.

-I am not freakishly talented at any particular thing, but I can use what talent I have been given to serve my Lord.

-The short thing....well, I really am short. Time to just come to grips with that one...

-I am not a size two, but I am healthy and physically able to accomplish all my Maker gives my hands to do.
   
-I am not uber mom, but I love my boys. As I study God's Word and spend time with my Heavenly Father He teaches me how I can love them more and better.

It turns out I am a person of weaknesses and imperfections, and that's okay.

All I want is...

Reality. I've decided my generation and the following generations no longer live there. I recently became aware of an odd expectation that has taken root with the 20 somethings to early 30s. We have created a mythical creature in our minds. A unicorn of employment. A fantasy fueled by the internet, " realty tv", and those people moving to tropical islands on House Hunters International.

We are searching for The Perfect Job/Career/  It's really more of a life style....our prerequisites are the following:

We want to work the fewest amount of hours possible. In a perfect world we work from home ( our large eco friendly home with four bedrooms and a seperate office), and we log no more than 5 hours a day.

We want to make massive amounts of money- now. We do not work our way up, pay our dues, and earn a promotion. No, if we have the misfortune of not being our own boss then the boss we do have is supposed to immediately recognize our unmatched skill/ worthiness/ awesomeness and pay us accordingly ( even though we work minimal hours everyday. I guess we are just that good??).

We want to LOVE our jobs. We truly believe that if we are not passionate about it we shouldn't have to do it. The thought of simply working a job to provide is repulsive and unacceptable! We deserve fun, interesting, and " meaningful" work....and don't forget! This awesome job is on my schedule and pays top dollar ( if by chance it also benefits barefoot and hungry children in Myanmar even better!)

We are delusional. A few, small, select group has found success with this magical combo, but it is not the norm. It is not the average man's reality. Ask any small business owner and they will tell you they work looong hours. They worked hard to build their business and pay, and normally they do like, even love what they do, but it can still "feel" like a job.

 We have become lazy, spoiled, and greedy. Our demands for employment on our terms has revealed these truths.

Imagine previous generations, our parents, demanding short workdays, refusing jobs they didn't love, expecting top dollar as the newbie. It's laughable! And so are we.

So dream on my fellow millenials. But remember the real world requires real work. Work requires effort and time. Effort and time are eventually rewarded. And love....well, some may argue that love is optional.

Let's Start the New Year Right...

I've spent the last week contemplating this post. It is the obligatory New Year's post. My official recognition of the New Year, my formal goodbye to the former year, and my declarations of an improved me for 2014....where to begin??

It seems a bit daunting to encapsulate an entire year in a paragraph. I have struggled trying to put the joys of a new son, the blessings of healed loved ones,  and the encouragement of blooming friendships into words. My fingers hesitate over the keys as I attempt to share the disappointments of missed opportunities, the fear of unexpected change, the hurt inflicted by others, and the hurt I unintentionally inflicted on others. It was an eventful year. One I might choose to write about more in depth later. But, right now I'm more interested in the coming year.

My resolutions...my intentions for the year. I've never been a big maker or keeper of resolutions, but as I get older I realize the importance of setting realistic goals. I see the need to not just walk through my days letting what ever will be to occur, but I need to be intentional. I want to play an active role in my life. So I have come up with a short list of things I want to do, and areas where I know I can improve.

1. Choose to be present when interacting with my sons. Whether its playing, having conversations, or just snuggling I want to be truly locked in and engaged in the moment. I will set aside the distractions ( phone, chores, books) and focus on them.

2. Choose to be less angry. Angry while driving, angry while doing chores that no one else has seen the need to do, angry when every little detail of the day doesn't go my way. 

3. Choose restraint. Restraint with a fork... or debit card... or even words....

Basically my resolutions can be summed up like this....

I want my life to be marked by love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. These are characteristics that the Bible clearly states do not come naturally to a sinful heart like mine. These characteristics are cultivated by the Holy Spirit in my heart and life. They can only take shape when I choose to set aside my own selfish wants and desires and prayerfully seek the Lord. This is something my know it all/ move let me do it personality has struggled with implementing. 

So, goodbye old year, and welcome new year. I'm excited to see what you bring and how I will respond to it.