Needed

Tonight, as I sat twitching at the sound of  a shrill voice calling, " Mommy!" and a four month old screaming I thought.....I just want to not be needed. 

The selfishness and foolishness of this thought didn't hit me till later. I was holding the aforementioned  four month old while he slept, and I stared jealously wishing I could be sleeping. Then i realized sleep will one day come, "Mommy" will eventually no longer be screamed, and I will get my wish. I will no longer be needed. 

The longest season of all...

Pumpkins, vibrant colors, comfort foods, time with family..... the NBA. Can you find the one that just doesn't quite fit in? The unvited guest that crashed the party? Yes, the professional basketball season has begun. It has broken into my life and will remain an unwanted guest until July. Yep, July.

I really do enjoy basketball, but have always struggled at making a connection with the NBA. Unfortunately, my husband doesn't just connect with the NBA, he has a deep relationship with it. And it's not just with one team. He will watch the game no matter who is playing. He texts friends and family and has long conversations analyzing the game. He mutters to himself and outright yells at the tv. He is passioinate and absorbed.

I sit on the couch staring blankly as my husband watches intently and my four year old yells, " Is that Buh-bron?", his version of Lebron. ( My husband is already trying to teach him all the starters for The Heat). I occassionally nod and smile pretending to care. I secretly countdown the days to the finals and the end of the season.

 I think I could handle this if it was just a couple games a week, but sometimes it's a couple games a night! Even holidays are ambushed by these freakishly tall men. They have taken Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day.  Thank goodness for DVR, or I'm not sure we would see my husband on these special days.... or any day.

So, welcome back NBA. Back to my tv, to dominating my dvr, to being the background noise that rocks me to sleep each night, to our lives.

Blessed

The night is cold, but my home is warm. The aromas of dinner still hang in the air as I wipe the stove clean. Dishes are piled waiting to be put in the dishwasher. As I stare at the mess, laughter pours in from the other room. My husband is tickling our oldest son while humming a silly tune to entertain our youngest son.

I smile despite the chores surrounding me. 

My heart is full.

 I am blessed.

Accountability Monday

Last Monday I posted about my new found determination to lose weight and get in shape. I worked out all week, ate right, and shunned sugary drinks. I was down two pounds and feeling invincible!

Then Friday came...followed by Saturday and Sunday. My determination became a slight inclination. Eating right was a minor concern, exercise was climbing the stairs, and sweet tea was guzzled. I didn't just fall off the wagon, I crashed it then lit it on fire and danced around it. The worst part is that I really don't feel that guilty. I'm a bit disappointed with myself and my lack of self control. I realize that I didn't even make it a full week and how pitiful that is. I guess I just haven't bottomed out yet. I haven't reached my point of desperation, and I'm not so sure I'm going to reach it before Thanksgiving or Christmas.

My amazing hubs did much better than I did. He had a pretty successful weekend, and I am quite proud of him. Maybe his success will be the catalyst I need. 

So dear friends, I asked last week that you hold me accountable ( and several of you really did try). Despite my weekend failure and current feeling of indifference , I do still want and need your accountability. Continue to show the tough love. Maybe with your help I'll put down the oreos for good. 

A Little Us Time

My parents kindly offered to watch the boys last night so the hubs and I could go out. We were only gone for an hour and thirty minutes, but it felt like an entire evening.

We went to a little café and ordered whatever we wanted with no considerations of the reaction of a four year old sharing with us. We chose a small table near other people with out fear of receiving glares. We talked, laughed, and flirted. We didn't even care that the service was a bit slow.

It was a needed and refreshing time for us as a couple. We were able to truly talk about issues in our lives.We shared our thoughts with out interruption. It was lovely.

We returned to our children lighter. We were excited to see them and happily listened to one chatter and the other babble. We love our boys, but sometimes it's nice to have an hour and thirty minutes to remind us how much.

Fat Arms

It's a universal fact that we all have embarrassing secrets. Today, I am going to share one of mine. It is something that is an irreversible fact about myself that I have had to simply accept. I.... Have..... Fat arms. If you are a man you just read that and became confused. If you are a woman you read that, gasped, and nodded knowingly. It is not an expression. I literally have fat arms.

This was first pointed out to me when I was teaching 10th grade in Florida. I was diligently assisting one of my darling 10th grade boys with his grammar assignment. I was having a real " Dead Poet's" moment. A teacher connecting with and shaping her pupils to do great things! This student was staring intently. I was making an impact. He tilts his head and points while saying, " Dang Mrs. T you've got big arms.... No, really. They're huge!"

Wounded, I stepped back while self consciously crossing my arms. " It's the shirt" I mumbled defensively, and stumbled to my desk to yank a sweater over my freakish upper arms. The wide eyed shock of this 10th grade delinquent stayed with me for years. It motivated me to tone and shape my arms. I could at least claim they were abnormally large from being in awesome shape ( so this never actually happened but it was attempted). I chose shirts and dresses that flattered and became a huge fan of the cardigan. I was at peace with my fat arms.

Well, this past weekend I needed a dress for a special occasion. I hastily chose a lacy confection from the store the day of the event. I hurried home to get dressed and ready. I slipped the dress on and set upon the task of finding the right shoes to go with it. While on this hunt, I noticed a growing rip in the lace sleeve of the right arm. Stunned, I ran to the mirror to check the severity of this wardrobe malfunction. It was bad. It was an ever widening, gargantuan hole in the upper arm of the sleeve. I haughtily shared my surprise that this store would sell such poor quality clothing that was already ripped when I bought it. " I was in such a hurry I didn't even notice!" I stammered.  "Why, I never!" I sputtered in my best southern belle. I made do as best I could, attempting to hide the rip through out the evening, and tsking this store whenever someone started to point or give a questioning look.

But between me and you, I'm not sure it was the dress or the store. I think it was the fat arm. It might be time to revisit that whole toning mission. Or, embrace the situation and charge a viewing fee....

NaBloPoMo

It's NaBloPoMo! That's insider lingo for National Blog Post Month ( I just learned that this week... I guess I'm finally an insider). In honor of NaBloPoMo I have made a commitment to write a new post everyday.  This is a big commitment people, but I think it's doable.... And I am actually kind of excited for the challenge.  

I'm not promising every post will be profound, insightful, entertaining, or even coherent! But, I do promise to write everyday. I have spent the last week compiling ideas for this month long adventure. Trust me, thinking up thirty different topics that are at least partially interesting is harder than it sounds. 

What you can expect this month:
My experience with Post Partum Depression
Why my family is crazier than yours
My kid said what....??
Forget lunch let's do life
Raising a thankful child
My dream date
Fat arms ( just wait.. It'll make sense)
The little things
My favorite thanksgiving recipes
The curse of the NBA
Anti DIY

As you can see, I'm still coming up with ideas. So, if you have any feel free to share!