grocery envy

There is a fanatical organization entrenched in the suburbs of America. They are organized, well educated and trained in their area of expertise, and always looking for recruits. They enthusiastically share their ideology, and love to brag about their latest victory. You have probably been tempted to join their ranks, or maybe you all ready have.  I have numerous friends who are successful followers of this "lifestyle".  I myself have flirted with "joining up", wooed by their promises of deals, free groceries, and savings. Yes, they are couponers.

Visit any major grocery store and you will see these women stalking the aisles with large binders splayed out bulging with coupons. They have meticulously organized them by product and cross referenced them by date and store. Narrow eyed, mumbling to themselves, they dominate the store and block the aisle.

I must admit, I have complicated emotions when it comes to these women. Part of me is annoyed by their cockiness, put off by their rude dominance of the grocery store. But, I am mostly jealous. You see, I have tried, really tried, to join this exclusive rank of womanhood. I have clipped coupons from newspapers, printed them from the internet, and attended several classes on how to be a successful couponer. They have not helped. I am still horribly inept at this learned skill. I look on with bitter jealousy at my friends' pictures on facebook, their declarations of amounts saved, the woman smugly pushing her full cart to the register.

Last time I attempted to enter this elite world, I spent time clipping and printing. I slowly moved through the store carefully matching product to paper. I excitedly went to the register and handed over my coupons with a smirk on my face...... I only saved nine dollars. I bitterly lugged my overpriced haul to the car in frustration. I swore off couponing forever.......again.

Maybe one day I will develop the true patience, or whatever it is I lack, to become a real deal couponer. Till then, ignore the dirty look I give when you brag about your savings. It's really just envy in disguise.

**Please note- this is not a cry for couponing help. Please do not offer any. I'm still scarred from my last experience, and like any victim I will speak out and ask for help when I am ready**